The Truth About Einstein

Scientists now admit that Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity was a fraud, perpetuated by the genius in conjunction with the scientific community, and kept from humanity up until the present. Through dilligent research and unwavering determination, the investigative staff of the Diary of a Demented Store Owner now have documented proof that Einstein's formula was altered and kept secret for years, because it was feared what the consequences might be if the real formula and its source were ever discovered. It's a little known fact that Albert had a younger and supposedly smarter brother, Mikey, who had actually come up with the real Theory of Relativity one late October evening.
Evidence shows that Mikey really was a frustrated stained glass artist who had come up with the historic formula while sketching out a little Teddy bear nite lite for his nephew Gary. While doodling away trying to overcome a mental block on how best to design in the nite lite clip, he decided to take a minute and solve one of the universe's greatest mysteries. This monumental discovery, which contained 'F.I.G.' in the equation, was thought to be so destabilizing to the balance of man's existence, that it was altered. Apparently, it was thought impossible that F.I.G. (an ancronym for an amazing stained glass supply store) could hold the secret to humanity's existence and happiness. It seems they were wrong.