TORONTO, ON- After decades devoted to deciphering Russian military codes. working various covert operations around the globe, tasering Polish immigrants and covering it up and working on perfecting the Musical Ride, RCMP spokesman Gary Brownlee announced today that they will phase out all policing and national security operations to focus exclusively on the production of a new line of machine made artglass.
"Around the time we investigated the Somalia affair we began to have doubts about whether this is what we really wanted to do," Brownlee said. "After last month's top secret burial of nuclear waste in Lake Ontario, I just thought"You know what? There's more to life than this. That 'more' to us, is the spreading of happiness and joy through the promotion of stained glass. We've started an intensive program and have sent out our best agents to Fantasy In Glass to learn as much as they possibly can about this craft, and report back to us."
Mr. Brownlee has confirmed that production of their first colour will begin shortly after Christmas ("We're appearing in the Christmas Parade with our Musical Ride" reports Brownlee, with a maple read and white opal mix.
Such a memorable event cannot pass by without some sort of celebration-
1) $798.88!
or
2) $898.88 and we'll throw in $200.00 of Bullseye fusible glass for free!
Given that competing kilns now go for over $1000.00, this is a pretty incredible deal.
One condition:
To get this price, we need a deposit of 25% by November 30 for delivery in December.
This is the largest kiln available that is still capable of being powered by a regular household electrical outlet. It's Canadian made, and comes complete- kiln shelf, posts, kilnwash and Bartlett 3-button controller!
2 comments:
Wow! With the surcharge being tagged on at our only Canadian wholesaler, you're cheaper at retail than them!
I've got to imagine they're going to be seriously pissed that they no longer carry Cone Art kilns, eh?
Fred
Mikey:
Thank you so much for publicizing our "change in mission". What with the change in regime to the south of us (as reported to me be my Minnesotan cousin) we find that the necessity of guarding our border against disgruntled Democrats is much reduced.
True, we have had some, well, some "unfortunate" instances in the recent past. But, as you point out, the strength in we Canadians is our ability to change course. Let bygones be bygones, easier to get forgiveness than permission, etc etc etc.
One thing, though, is keeping us from purely pursuing our mission of translating the tatoo into fusible glass is our keen interest in the, how shall I say this, McCainian and Machiavellian machinations of a certain wholesalers. I have heard tell that a certain Alaskan governor has been making advances... well, best not to say any more other than the phrase "Africa is a continent".
G. Brownlee RCMP (soon to be ret.)
PS. "$798 for the kiln or $898 for the kiln and $200 of free glass". Not to sound confused, but since $898 is $100 more than $798 wouldn't that mean you're really getting $100 of free glass?
PPS. I understand you have a photo of my Minnesota cousin???
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