Dear Diary

Dear Diary of a Demented Store Owner,
I recently saw a documentary on cable TV called "The Man Who Thinks He Might Have Maybe Seen Tomorrow," about Mikey Figstradamus. It scared the hell out of me. Figstradamus claims that first the Maple Leafs will go more than 40 years without a Stanley Cup win and then Spectrum Glass will copy Bullseye’s Aventurine Blue glass, only to be followed by the obliteration of Bullseye 90coe glass by the oncoming hoards of System 96 product. Should I begin to say my prayers? How good is Mikey at predicting the future? Or have I been duped by the copywriters and marketing people once again?
Gary Brown

Dear Mr. Brown,
There are two schools of thought on Mikey Figstradamus.  Either (1) he has supernatural powers which enable him to prophesy the future with uncanny accuracy, or (2) he does for bull#$@ what Stonehenge did for rocks. I lean to the latter view.

Mikey de Figfstredame (Mikey Figgy in Latin) was born in Toronto, Canada just before the time of shag carpets and paisley prints. Supremely intelligent, extremely good looking  and well-educated, he worked as a traveling carnival worker for many years picking up the craft of stained glass having learnt it from the Bearded Lady, but late in life his reason failed him and he decided to become a stained glass store owner. Among his works (which includes a collection of fused Frank Zappa busts, charmingly enough) was a scrapbook of prophecy on our industry.

There were so many of these prophecies and they were so vaguely written that they could be made to apply to nearly anything. For example, one quatrain predicted a monopoly supply situation in the mid- 2000's with all competition obliterated in Canada resulting in higher prices and less selection. 

 

Oops, never mind.  Seems Mikey may have been right on that one.