Diary of a Demented Store Owner
Friday, 10 April 2009
Billy “don’t call me a fuser’ Bob Thornton
The latest celebrity hissy-fit occurred just this week at Fantasy In Glass a stained glass and fusing emporium in Toronto.
Thornton- screenwriter, Academy Award winner and stained glass hobbiest had come into the store to buy some supplies and to ask Mikey (the proprietor of said amazing establishment) about some artglass suggestions for a teddy bear nightlight he was planning to make. Mikey however made the mistake of suggesting some Bullseye 0203F Woodland Brown or Spectrum 211-74F Chestnut fusible glass as great colour choices for the bear’s stomach in Thornton’s copper foil project. Things went downhill from there.
“I told your staff not to bring up the topic of fusing to me. That whole Bullseye versus Spectrum thing was what caused me and Angelina to break up! She was the fuser. I only did copper foil. She was a hack. Brad Pitt deserves her. Him and his knowledge of the new Bullseye Reactive glasses. I never understood things like volume control and coefficients and stuff.”
Of course, as fusible glass is suitable for both stained glass and fusing, Mikey innocently and unawaringly had made the faux pas of mentioning these two fusible glasses as good colour choices for Thornton’s stained glass project.
Mikey was repeatedly stonewalled by Thornton, who pretended to not understand what Mikey was saying or ask questions totally unrelated to glass. Mikey persevered undaunted, and asked,”Given that you seem quite passionate about stained glass, would you consider incorporating a fused piece in your work?”
“Would you ask that of Louis Tiffany? Or Lani McGregor? Or even Gary Brown?” he spit back.
Rumours that Billy Bob is planning to give up stained glass for some lame musical career have not been confirmed.