Anthropology of Stained Glass Doubted By Expert!

Mikey's ground breaking and absolutely irrefutable study on how Neanderthal man may not have been so primitive, given the discovery of evidence he was involved in the craft of stained glass, came under serious attack today by a leading expert in the field of Anthropology- Dr. J. Padiak of McMaster University.

Of course Mikey intends to contest this challenge vehemently and will return to the Neander Valley after closing the store next week to obtain further proof.

Mikey's original paper (an absolute masterpiece!) is reprinted below, with the rebuttal by Dr. P following:

The most significant discovery in Mikey's career was entirely serendipitous. Last April, the stained glass store owner was hiking in Germany's Neander Valley when he tripped over something on a trail. Some quick digging exposed the obstacle as the tip of a mastodon tusk. But it wasn't until a few weeks later when the entire tusk was unearthed and dated that Mikey realized the magnitude of his find. The tusk, he believes, is actually a Neanderthal glass cutter. Mikey calls it a Neanderthal "toyofigus." Like the grozing pliers discovered in Slovenia last year, the fact that the 50,000-year-old toyofigus predates the presence of glass makes it even more perplexing.A carefully aligned hole starts at the top of the cutter and runs its entire length. "I think a Neanderthal master craftsman must have used a stone awl to hollow out the toyofigus," says Mikey. This cutter, he says, proves that while primitive man made and used tools, more importantly it suggests that Neanderthals used a cutter lubricant proving they were concerned with cutter wheel longevity.While digging out the tool, Mikey uncovered the entrance to a cave and another major find: the first example of Neanderthal cave stained glass cutlines. Fittingly, the cutlines show lamp and suncatcher designs alongside proposed formulas for actually manufacturing glass once fire is discovered. "Maybe what we have here is the birth of a new hobby and artform."Mikey theorizes that the Neanderthals' fondness for stained glass may explain why they vanished some 30,000 years ago. "Maybe their frustration at not actually having any glass to cut scared away all the game. They would have produced an awful racket all over the place complaining and arguing over whether Bullseye artglass would continue to be as popular as it is yet to be."

Professor Padiak's rebuttal of Mikey's Paper:

Your hypothesis regarding the disappearance of the Neanderthals is intriguing and I hope that I may contribute to its development. It is known that early groups of Homo sapiens inhabited the same area as the Neanderthals at that time, although the relationship of the two species is unknown. It may very well have been adversarial and arguments among the Neanderthals may have alerted the early groups of Homo sapiens to their whereabouts – leading to warfare and the Neanderthals’ demise. Perhaps their arguments were over their glass work, supported by the presence of the toyofigus. However, i doubt the presence of manufactured glass. Might I suggest that they were using the tool to shape obsidian? Now, obsidian is not found in the Neander valley area, although it is found in Slovenia and Greece (hence the grozing pliers
inthat area). That it was found in Germany means that Neanderthals must have carried it over long distances, making it very prized and desirable, and possibly leading to arguments over its use. I would also suggest that concentration of the Neanderthals on glass cutting may have made them oblivious to the approach of the Homo sapiens groups, thus the H sapiens hunting parties had the element of surprise.

One other interesting point is the evidence of the suncatcher designs. I suggest that it was not the invention of a new hobby, as it is likely that just surviving in Palaeolithic times was challenging enough. Perhaps the suncatchers had a practical application and they were used
to reflect light, blinding large prey necessary for the Neanderthals' survival. Alternately, the evidence of the suncatchers may be the very important missing link for the presence of cultural behaviour among Neanderthal peoples. The cutlines may indicate some sort of ritual or
religious significance, perhaps appealing to a diety of some sort. Do you find any evidence of staining of the glass? Particularly cobalt blue?

I would also check your source on the formulae. To date, there has been no evidence for written or mathematical skills among Neanderthals. Is it possible that there has been a misinterpretation of the scratches? Perhaps it was just the incisions from honing the blades?

Janet Padiak