Diary of a Demented Store Owner
Saturday, 14 February 2015
Mikey Claims He Invented Sliced Bread
TORONTO, ON- In a published interview in the 'Diary of a Demented Store Owner', president of Fantasy In Glass, Mikey Figgy claims that he invented the concept of sliced bread.
"It's a little known fact that several years ago when I was toiling in the back room of FIG's stained glass studio working on the quintissential teddy bear night light, I succumbed to a compelling urge to do something different with my lunchtime break".
"Tired of having to open my mouth to the extreme to accomodate a full double rye loaf, I developed a mechanical device that slices an entire loaf of bread without polluting the atmosphere nor contributing to global warming".
"Though I'm a modest person I take full credit for this invention," said Mikey.
A spokesperson for the National Bread Association scoffed at Mr. Figgy's assertion.
"Frankly there were many people who made major contributions toward the development of sliced bread and Mr. Figgy, I assure you, is not one of them."
"This is another one of his half-baked ideas that he's gotten into his head," said Gary Auburn of the Stained Glass Store Owners Association.