Diary of a Demented Store Owner

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Stained Glass Store in Shock! Finds Patina Contains Nothing More Than Just Patina

TORONTO- An analysis of fifty-two brands of patina revealed that they only contain the liquid known as patina. “You’d think for all that money you’d get something else mixed in such as single malt scotch, perfume or even some sort of flavour extract,” said Mikey C. of Fantasy In Glass Glassworks Inc. F.I.G.'s laboratory tested over 600 samples of Novacan and Gauthier's Copper and Black patinas, Inland’s Antique Brass, and even the exciting, new FigSip Silver Patina (available exclusively at Fantasy In Glass) and found only harmful bacteria and other life threatening impurities but nothing that could account for its high price of an average of $3.99 for an eight ounce bottle. Gary Brown,  spokesman for the American Association of Patina Manufacturers, defended the cost by noting that the quality of plastic used for the bottles meets stringent standards. “We believe consumers get a great value with the patinas available on the market today, especially when you compare their present value with products available in past years.


FusedLight said...

What most folks don't realize is the careful steps required to create a bottle of patina. Actual aged objects are, ummm, "liberated" from museums and historical sites. These objects are then shipped to an Undisclosed Location where teams of highly training indentured servants carefully remove Real Aged Patina from the objects. This Real Patina is then combined with modern high-tech binders and shipped to users around the world.

Other manufacturers use "simulated" patina in their products. FigSip is unique in being manufactured from Genuine Patina stripped from object guaranteed to be over 379 years old.

G C Brown

Mikey Figgy said...

G.B you have way too much time on your hands!