Diary of a Demented Store Owner

Monday, 29 June 2015


Dear Wondrous Mikey
I am compelled to ask- do you write all this stuff? And I am having a hard time understanding some of the language you use. Is it English? Are you on medication for your ailment?
Yours Truly

Mike ponders and formulates his response;

Dear Mom,
Thanks for the pot roast. Most of the 'stuff' as you so eloquently state, found on this site, is written while I am in a trance or while sleeping. When I awake from one of these states I discover all this new 'stuff' on my computer and I don't have a clue how or why I wrote them. 

But I don't care, because I accept that I am a channel for some higher mysterious force that is using me to do its work. You might say that I have surrendered myself to this for I am a mere simple man otherwise. As for the inventive language, as you know the English language, or any language, is very limited in its ability to convey meaning, so for some unknown reason the force that channels through me invents new words or phrases to go beyond the wall.
Unfortunately, at present, there is no known cure for my ailment. It is a fatal disease, this love of glass, and someday I will pass from this world because of it. That is why I find such joy in living the remaining one hundred years of my life what I do…
In closing let me give you this comfort… I too am confused by what I write. It often amazes me that these thoughts have flowed through me. It takes time for me to absorb their full meaning. Some of them are absurd. I therefore apologize in advance for any confusion my words may cause.
On the other hand, I am just a humble servant to a higher force,
With Love

Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Health Canada Recalls Lead-tainted toys- Stained Glass Retailers Rejoice

TORONTO, ON- Health Canada is ordering retailers in Ontario to pull tens of thousands of items off their shelves after finding they were selling lead-tainted toys and children's products, according to a report. 
Officials say these items contain lead-levels in excess of allowable amounts. The lead-tainted items were sold in a variety of stores, including "dollar stores," and range from toys to products children put directly in their mouths, such as baby pacifiers.
According to the government of Canada's "Healthy Canadians" website, the recalled items include:
"My Baby" brand pacifier twin pack and silicone pacifier
Children's Charm craft kits ("Super Dooper Charms" and "Shoelace charms")
"GTZ Kool Charmz" charm gift bracelet
"Fairy Dust Pendants" and "Candle Charms"
In related news, the Stained Glass Retailers Association, led by Fantasy In Glass, a wondrous stained glass emporium in Toronto has agreed to buy up all returned, lead-tainted inventory. It seems that as there is only one source of supplies at the wholesale level, and since they have almost nothing in inventory, this is the only means to get hold of a decent lead supply for their stained glass customers.

Our Instructors

We have had the best over the years. 
Two standouts are Louie for over 30 years(!) and Theresa now for over 10!
Today we showcase a project Theresa just finished showing the process from original artwork to finished piece-

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Einstein's Smarter Brother Mikey

Scientists now admit that Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity was a fraud, perpetuated by the genius in conjunction with the scientific community and kept from humanity up until the present. 
Through dilligent research and unwavering determination, the investigative staff of the Diary of a Demented Store Owner now have documented proof that Einstein's formula was altered and kept secret for years, because it was feared what the consequences might be if the real formula and its source were ever discovered. It's a little known fact that Albert had a younger and supposedly smarter brother, Mikey, who had actually come up with the real Theory of Relativity one late October evening.
Evidence shows that Mikey really was a frustrated stained glass artist who had come up with the historic formula while sketching out a little Teddy bear nite lite for his nephew Gary. While doodling away trying to overcome a mental block on how best to design in the nite lite clip, he decided to take a minute and solve one of the universe's greatest mysteries. This monumental discovery, which contained 'F.I.G.' in the equation, was thought to be so destabilizing to the balance of man's existence, that it was altered. Apparently, it was thought impossible that F.I.G. (an ancronym for an amazing stained and fused glass supply store) could hold the secret to humanity's existence and happiness. 
It seems they were wrong.

Friday, 12 June 2015

Public Service Denouncement Repeat

Announcing our Studio 
Summer De-Cluttering Drive

To all students/customers/distant relatives (and that includes you Judy)

In an attempt at avoiding projects being damaged over the summer and to lessen the number of abandoned projects taking up valuable space, we're doing our annual summer de-cluttering ( as Vanna would say ).

To avoid abandoned projects taking up valuable space If you have work here from a past class come on in and pick it up. If you are a current student, don’t worry- we will be brow beating you during your next class. 

Our minions will be in the studio July 5  to cart away unclaimed/unlabelled work.

Thursday, 11 June 2015

Grandparents Still Have No Idea What Granddaughter Does For A Living

TORONTO, ON- Sources confirmed Monday that Luis and Baba Beaz, grandparents of Fantasy In Glass stained glass instructor Lorena Beaz, still do not have the slightest idea what their granddaughter does for a living. 
“We are very proud of our Lorena,” said Luis, 75. 
“Whatever she does in that job of hers, I’m sure it’s very impressive.” 
Said Baba: “I think what Lorena does is make sure companies have enough computers and employees so that they can—oh, I haven’t a clue.” 
The couple also has no idea what their granddaughter, Louette Beaz, an Etobicoke, ON, human-resources supervisor, does for a living.

Mouth Blown Antique Glass

... and here's how it's made-

What We Miss

Without a full-line distributor here in Canada unlike the good old days, the selection of glass made available to many is very restricted. We made mention of this down below with our blog entry on Mikey bringing in the Oceana line just this week. To give you an idea of the types of glass that used to be available, here's a great page on Lambert's mouth blown antique glass- a line we carried many years ago...

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Fusing Seminar Soon!

Come on in on Saturday June 20 from 10am to 4pm and bask in the glory of  knowing that you will be enjoying yourself unashamed and unencumbered by the worry of children, pets or spouses as you will be taking our six hour Intro to Fusing class as taught by Louie 'I'm not from Barcelona' Deeaz.
No casuistry or sophism, no stratagem or subterfuge (sorry, I've been reading Conrad Black's book again...Mikey), really- no tricks at all. Just a glorious day learning about the mystery of glass fusing. 
Thinking about utilizing those artistic/technical skills you've developed over the years for the betterment of mankind? 
Or maybe something else if you're Dr. Evil?
Same tools, same skills (or lack of), take the day and learn how to fuse and make a whole bunch of stuff! All firings included in the course fee.
See here for more details...

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Ring Mottles and Oceana

This is another unique art glass style of glass slowly dying off in popularity… so sad.
Yes folks, today’s craftsperson has little exposure to the exciting and wide ranging glasses still being produced but not having any market share due to either lack of interest or lack of ambition on the part of suppliers. We no longer see many different glass styles as mouth blown antiques or Lustres, or even coloured gluchips. Nevetheless, Mikey keeps plugging away and tries to bring in as wide  variety of glass as possible.
But we digress- let's get back to the purpose of this blog entry today- the Ring Mottle. A proud, eclectic and often misunderstood artglass.
Originally discovered/invented by Tiffany Studios in the early 20th century, Ring Mottles are a special effect of localized, heat-treated opacification and crystal-growth dynamics. Think amoebas, or something nasty on a microscope slide. Or perhaps under Aunty Emma’s tea cozy. Louis Comfort Tiffany was searching for glass containing realistic natural effects to express his representational imagery with minimal use of painting. He couldn't have been happier than when he saw the first accidentally formed Ring Mottles! And all done without the aid of pharmaceuticals.
After the closure of the Tiffany Furnaces in Corona, New York in 1931, Ring Mottles were thought to be lost to the stained glass industry. In the mid '70s, Uroboros' founder Eric Lovell successfully reproduced them and brought them back into the stained glass marketplace. Since then, like in Tiffany's day, Ring Mottles have been used for realistic-looking shadows, sunspots on leaves or ground, or to create small background repeats of larger foreground pieces. Cut lines that follow individual rings can produce the best shadowed effect.  An example is the use of green mottled areas in the background areas behind individually cut green leaves. Look at any Tiffany lamp or window and you will see the extensive use of mottles throughout.
Bullseye stopped producing mottles several years ago, pretty well leaving Uroboros to carry the torch alone aside from some ‘High Strikes’ from Youghiogheny and the hard-to-get Oceana Art Glass (once an independent, now under the ownership and production control of Youghiogheny).
And carry it they seem to do with great effect. We carry as many of their mottles as possible, as well as the rest of their line, and are glad to show it off when you come in. We also have several reference books such as Alastair Duncan's Lamps of Tiffany that can show you to great effect why you might want to consider ring mottles in a project.

And effective today we have added the new stunning line of Oceana Ring Mottles as well...

Saturday, 6 June 2015

"John predicted Spectrum Glass’ Newest Colour Releases’” claims Yoko

NEW YORK, NY- Yoko Ono, widow of slain Beatle John Lennon, claimed today that "My John" had foreseen the introduction of many of Spectrum Glass’ pending new colours over the years, before they were released and even more shocking- even before the formation of the Spectrum Glass Company. 
The latest colour correctly foreseen by John is their new and exciting Aventurine Blue. This assertion for predicting the production of SP#138AV, which has shocked everyone in the industry, is based on an early, unrecorded version of a song that Lennon wrote in 1967, 13 years before his untimely death.
Ono unearthed the song while "rooting through a few drawers". Underneath an old Spectrum Glass stocklist, she discovered the song, recorded on a portable cassette player, entitled "Yer Blues" that predates its release on the Beatles’ White album (a reference to SP#138AV no doubt).
"He just loved that colour and how it sparkled and made him forget about his less talented song writing partner Paul (letters to Ed at fig@fantasyinglass.com)".
"Many a night John and I would stay up, recording our own music, just the two of us (you know, the really good stuff like Two Virgins), influenced by colours such as Aventurine Blue and their pending Celadon Green never having yet been invented" she reminisced.
Famed record producer, Phil Spectrum exclaimed, “For all those years up until his tragic death, John waited anxiously for that day when Jim Matthews and the boys, at Spectrum would listen to his music and finally realize John’s dream and develop this colour.
Scientists have dismissed Ono's claim, stating that at the time of Lennon's death, the glass community was preoccupied with finding a really nice Honey Opal. 

One journalist, with no interest in stained or fused glass, asked Yoko "Is it not obvious that McCartney was vastly more talented than your late husband?".
To which Yoko replied, "Do you see any songs written about coe90 colours? Besides, what do the songs say eh? Lennon/McCartney. LENNON/McCartney, THAT'S what they say. McCartney was a hack and never even foresaw the proliferation of reasonably priced Coneart kilns".
It’s also speculated that Lennon foresaw Spectrum's manufacture of a line of rods for torchwork when he wrote a song with the working title of ‘Give Beads a Chance’.

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

AG Macaron Saves the Day

Here I sit at end of day, wondering what we’ve done to have earned such great neighbours. We came in this morning to a tenant who vacated his apartment leaving the remnants of 3 years of crates, skids and packing materials that he told us he would dispose of for us when he actually crammed it all into his apartment.
A hoarder in the extreme.
If you shop with us, then you know we often suggest a visit to our next door neighbour AG Macaron. 
Very nice people. Great product. 
A fellow small business owner worthy of your and our support.
Today Mike, Matt and Anet didn’t just pitch in to help but literally took over and salvaged a very bad day and made it into a much better one.
So, don’t go to A G Macaron for their treats because they are great. Go there because they are even better people.