Diary of a Demented Store Owner

Sunday 10 February 2013

Freak Accident paralyses Man From Waist Up

TORONTO, ON- A bizarre, un-precedented spinal injury sustained in a car accident Saturday has left local resident Al 'Only Two Hands' Nicarosiac paralyzed from the waist up.
“Al is back on his feet,” said Toronto Hospital head of surgery Gary Sorrel. "Unfortunately though, he has lost all feeling in his head, arms and torso. No longer with the ability to move from the waist up, he cannot speak, dial a telephone, cut stained glass or most tragically no longer use a handfoiler.” 



Doctors said however that Nicarosiac should be able to resume his career as a professional soccer player as early as next week.

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