Diary of a Demented Store Owner

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Russians Claim IMF Loans Lost Making Fantasy In Glass Purchases

Russian finance officials attempted to refute accusations of illegal money laundering by claiming that tens of dollars were lost making purchases during Fantasy In Glass's current Sale. 
"Ve knew that Louie Tiffany vonce made a small fortune vif little inwestment so ve thought ve could increase the walue of monies ve vere receiwing from the International Monetary Fund," said Finance Minister Gary Brownoff. Unfortunately, the money was put into Armstrong orange and blue cathedral glass to mass produce teddy bear night lights to cheer up the proletariat at their dachas during the long, cold and dark winters, when their staff colourist mentioned that teddy bears don't come in those colours.
"I guess ve goofed as you Canadians say." Brownoff so eloquently admitted. 
Federal investigators looking into the missing funds weren't satisfied with the explanation knowing that Armstrong Glass is available virtually nowhere in Canada, and intend to further pursue the money trail. 
"The Russians have been losing more money than some Toronto stained glass retailers so we believe there is more to this story," said Pat McNeil, spokesperson for the Customs Service, who requested her name remain anonymous.

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